The most beautiful of all…

The Armada is eternal and forever changing, one must never become stagnate, yet one must never forget where one came from. Moving in circles yet growing closer to the heavens we are the dream of Brahma and the perfect creature that mankind was born from in the Snowy lands. Visions of us are what legends are made of. The wise monkey still laughs in the face of adversity. We are reminded in our darkest hour of a legend;

Jupiter issued a proclamation to all the beasts of the forest and promised a royal reward to the one whose offspring should be deemed the handsomest. The Monkey came with the rest and presented, with all a mother’s tenderness, a flat-nosed, hairless, ill-featured young Monkey as a candidate for the promised reward. A general laugh saluted her on the presentation of her son. She resolutely said, “I know not whether Jupiter will allot the prize to my son, but this I do know, that he is at least in the eyes of me his mother, the dearest, handsomest, and most beautiful of all.”

In order to be free you must access your Monkee Mind; you must leave behind the corrupt hue-man hive mentality. Shed your false humanity and swing from the trees. Inside each of us lurks a beast be it Monkee or Panda, Squirrel or Penguin. You must shed your false mortal coil and recognize your Monkee heritage, remember that we are the descendents of Sun Wu Kong, we come from the same lineage as Hanuman, Thoth, we bring knowledge and light, and the hue-man race was born from our genes, we are the founding fathers of the earth itself. The trees are our kingdom and all the world is our domain, there is nothing we cannot do, nothing we cannot out shine. We are the Vanara who dwell in the midst of the forest of Kishkindha.

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Now playing: Das EFX – East Coast
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Census Conspiracy leads to first death

The United States Census is taken every 10 years to determine the how Congressional Seating will be allocated, and electoral votes counted. The first Census was taken 1790 just after the American Revolution. The census records and data specific to individual respondents are not available to the public until 72 years after a given census is taken, but statistical data is released as soon as available. Yet this hasn’t stopped lunatics on the far right like the absolutely bat shit crazy congress woman Michelle Bachmann from going around claiming that because Obama is the President that this current 2010 Census will lead to interment camps. Or that somehow ACORN would be involved, and the government would be able to take your property. Complete idiots believe that it will lead to targeting undesirable individuals or the U.N. will use it to round up people. Now how someone can be elected to Congress and believe such absolute bullshit is beyond me. Having lived a few blocks away from the actual Census Bureau as a kid I can tell you that it’s a pretty scary looking building, surrounded by satellites, National Guards armed and patrolling the grounds it sits in Suitland Maryland just five minute walk from the D.C. border. I had my share of conspiracy theories when I was a boy, but I  out grew them when I turned 13.  The fact is these same assholes promoting these outrageous claims were awfully silent when Bush was President during the last Census in 2000. Why now all of a sudden is the Census count so evil, well it’s because they fear that a too high count of democrats will wipe away what little power the republicans cling too. So they are fighting back by trying to terrify the public. And it’s working. This week in rural Kentucky a part-time Census worker was found hung in a cemetery with the word “Fed” carved into his chest. Proof positive that the Glenn Becks and Michelle Bachmanns of this world are stirring up a hornets nest of racist anti-government fervor that will ed up making Oklahoma and Ruby Ridge look like practice. everyone from Nancy Pelosi to the Department of Homeland Security have warned that the fires being stoked are dangerous and on the verge of erupting, but the right marches on with it’s campaign of misinformation and rabble rousing.

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Now playing: The Mountain Goats – Slow West Vultures
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Winged Cats are taking over China!

It was reported that in May of this year in Chongqing, China a cat has apparently grew wings Though born completely normal-looking, once the cat hit the age of 1, it is said he began to grow wing-shaped appendages on each side of his spine. Scientists believe the appendages developed due to grooming habits, or a genetic defect, or a hereditary skin condition (they don’t really know). The scary thing is that in May of 2007 another cat in China grew wings as well. Is this a disturbing new development spelling the end to all mankind? Or is it the result of China dumping toxic waste on it’s pets? Or possibly proof of evolution, and the cat’s grew wings so they could get the fuck out of China without getting eaten? I mean it could be either one of those.

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Now playing: Soundtrack – Cha Cha Cha
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Signs of the Apocalypse #242

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Now playing: Flavor – Night Court
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Once upon a time the Monkee Armada used to post on this old site called Myspace. We had a blog that would run a semi-regular update on signs of the Apoclypse, odd things that to us spelled the coming end of the world. Well today we found a bit of news on Zimbabwe Guardian (yes the Zimbabwe Guardian) that caused us to revive the Apocalypse watch.

Goat gives birth to a ‘human’; a faun

THE community of Lower Gweru and its surroundings in the Midlands Province was left shell-shocked when a goat gave birth to human-like creature that had the combined features of a man and a goat.

A report in The Chronicle newspaper said the goat gave birth to the ‘creature’ on Sunday morning in Maboleni area.

The creature had a human head, face, nose, shoulders and human-like skin that had very scanty furs.

It had goat features from the “shoulders” to the legs.

Its sagging stomach prevented curious villagers from determining whether it had human or animal sex organs as it protruded covering the front part.

Villagers said the end product was so scary that even dogs were afraid to move close to the goat.

“Normally, dogs like to play around a goat when it has just given birth. This time the dogs kept their distance. This is indeed a miracle that has never been witnessed anywhere,” said one elderly villager, Themba Moyo.

The owner of the goat who gave his name as Mr Nyoni said the incident left him shocked and he decided to contact the police and the local leadership.

“It’s the first time that my goat did this. I have 15 goats and it’s this goat that gave me birth to most of them. My goats often give birth to sets of twins,” he said.

His wife, Mrs Nyoni, said she never bothered to check when she learnt from her daughter that her goat had given birth.

She said she was busy with her laundry and she only learnt from her brother-in-law that the goat had given birth to an unusual creature.

“By that time the ‘thing’ had died. My brother-in-law then decided that we inform the community and the leadership about this unusual incident,” she said.

Midlands Governor and Resident Minister Jason Machaya, police and the media visited Maboleni area to have first-hand information.

Governor Machaya said it was disgracing that a man can stoop so low opting for animal company in a world full of women.

“This incident is very shocking. It is my first time to see such an evil thing. It is really embarrassing. The head belongs to a man while the body is that of a goat. This is evident that an adult human being was responsible. Evil powers caused this person to lose self control,” he said.

“We often hear cases of human beings who commit bestiality but this is the first time for such an act to produce a product with human features.”

Fauns, half-human and half-goat are creatures in Roman mythology. They are often depicted as a creature with the body of a man and the legs and horns of a goat. This is the first time that such a creature has actually been seen.

Sadly there were no actual pictures,  and we’re not even sure how real this is, but either way they printed in their paper (and fuck!) if it isn’t true it’s still funny that they printed/posted it.

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Now playing: Flavor – Night Court
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Lost and Found; Thee Old Pages

Through a bit of dumb luck and internet wizardry the original Monkee Pages, which we thought were lost forever have been magically  found. So for those few of you who followed us before and wondered where all those hard hitting exposes on the more depraved aspects of Monkee culture have gone! We give them back to you. Although we won’t be posting any new items on the old pages it’s nice to know that they weren’t completely lost out there int he interwebs. Don’t forget to visit the new Monkee Pages that we started when we thought we’d accidentally deleted the old one.

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Now playing: Fugazi – Polish
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Your Monkee Heritage; Children of the Monkee and the Ogress

Your Monkee Heritage; Children of the Monkee and the Ogress

The Tibetans have a creation myth that is closer to science and the truth than any other. In Tibetan mythology the human race began when a lowly Monkee was bestowed magical powers by the Buddhist deity Avalokiteshvara (The Buddha of Compassion). The Monkee wished to become an upasana of the Bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara, so she sent him to “The Land of Snow” which would later become Tibet. The legend goes that as the Monkee sat on a mountain top and while he meditated there on compassion and rejoices in the Void, a demoness passed by. The Ogress was so taken by the Monkees beauty that she took the form of a woman, and begged the Monkee to marry her. Haven taken a vow of chastity the Monkee refused, angered the Ogress threatened to die on the spot, so the Monkee allowed her to sleep beside him.  But in the morning she continued to implore him to marry her, and threatened that if he didn’t, she would unite with a demon, and kill an innumerable amount of living beings, and then give birth to a race of demons that would devour all of the creatures who lived in the Land of Snow.  She said;

Alas! Great Monkee King!
Think of me a little and hear my plea.
By the power of my karma, I was born among the race of ogres.
As my lust grows, I have become enamored of you.
Driven by my desire, I have come to make this request.
If you will not marry me
I will take a rock-ogre husband.
Every day we will slay ten thousand living beings,
And every night we will devour a thousand creatures.
I will bear countless ogre-children
and this snowy realm will be filled with ogre-cities.
Every living creature will become an ogre’s prey.
By comparison, is it not better to think of me
and show your compassion?

The Monkee thought to himself, “It would contravene my vows to marry this ogress, but if I do not, it will prove to be an even greater misdeed!” The Monkee torn between compassion and his vow of chastity, transported himself at lightning speed to the top of Mount Potala, and presented his dilemma to Avalokiteshvara.  Avalokiteshvara ordered him to marry the Ogress, and from the heavens the goddesses Bhrkutī and Tārā gave their consent, while Avalokiteshvara promised that in the future the doctrine of the Buddha will be preached in the Land of Snows.

The Monkee and the Ogress, united as husband and wife, and bore six Monkee children, one reborn from each of the six states of transmigration (gods, titans, men, animals, tormented spirits, and beings who live in the hells). The Monkee-child reborn from among the denizens of the hell realms had a stern countenance but could withstand great hardships. The child from the “Realm of the Hungry Ghosts” had loathsome features and an insatiable appetite. The one reborn from the animal realm was stupid and vulgar. The Monkee-child from the hue-man realm was endowed with increasing wisdom and sensitivity. The one from the realm of the demigods was aggressive and jealous, and the Monkee-child from the realm of the gods was patient and virtuous. In the “Book of the Words of the Ministers” another version appears. In this version only one child was born – a son. He stood upright and had “a red, flat face”, and no tail. “He ate red meat and drank warm blood”. Another version of this myth found in the Mani bka-’bum states that the six children “because they had a Monkee for a father, their bodies were covered with fur, and their faces were red”. Because they had a demoness/ogress of the cliffs for a mother, “they were without tails and craved raw meat and blood.”

The story continues that the Monkee then led his six children to the “Forest of Assembled Birds”, which had an abundant amount of fruit, and they dwelled there for three years. At the end of that time, the Monkee returned and saw that his children had increased to five hundred, and they had devoured all the fruit and had nothing to eat, they cried, “Father, what can we eat?” The Monkee then thought to himself, “This cannot be the result of my own defilements. These Monkee-children have become so numerous because I followed the instructions of the Sublime One”.  He went to Mt. Potala and asked Avalokiteshvara with these words:

Alas! Not realizing that married life was a prison;
Not knowing that I had been deceived by a she-devil;
I am mired in the Samsaric mud of offspring.
Not recognizing that sensual desires are poisonous leaves,
My compassion turned to lust, and I was deceived.
Bound by carnal urges, I am oppressed by a mountain of suffering.
Having swallowed the poison of defilements
I am afflicted by the epidemic of adverse karma.
Accumulated woes torment me:
Alack! Alas! Compassionate Protector of Loving-Kindness,
How can I succor my children?
I am in this predicament at the Sublime One’s behest.
We now resemble a city of hungry ghosts;
In the next life we will no doubt be reborn in the hell realms!
I therefore beseech you to protect us with your compassion
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Avalokiteshvara replied, “I shall protect your progeny”, then climbs Mount Meru at the center of the earth, extracts the five kinds of grain from its interior (barley, wheat, peas, buckwheat and rice), and cast them upon the earth. The place where they fell then became filled with crops that required no cultivation. The Monkee led his children to the crops and showed them the food. Tradition holds that the Monkee then said “Zotang – Eat!”, and the place became known as Zotang Gongpori. Once they had satisfied themselves upon these crops, the Monkee-children’s hair and tails grew shorter, they learned to speak and they became the hue-mans they are today. They ate the crops that required no cultivation and began to wear garments fashioned from leaves. Thus the inhabitants of this snowy land of Tibet, being the descendants of a Monkee-father and rock-ogress mother, form two lineages. The Monkee’s lineage, are said to be those who are patient, faithful, compassionate, and diligent, those who delight in virtue and those who are eloquent. As for the mother’s lineage, they are said to be those who are lusty, angry, mercenary, profit-seeking, greedy, competitive, garrulous, strong, courageous, active, restless, scatterbrained, and those whose minds suffer from an “excess of the five poisons” of greed, hatred, ignorance, jealousy and pride, those who enjoy hearing about the faults of others and those who are tempestuous. The children of the Monkee and the Ogress are believed to have given rise to the Tibetan people as the number of children increased, the people evolved into six families  known as Se, Mu, Dong, Tong, Wra and Dru. They became the six clans of the Tibetan people

The links between this particular creation myth and the modern theory of evolution, this sounds a lot like an early theory of evolution to us, and closely mirrors the Armada belief that hue-mans came from the raping of Monkees by aliens. If you were an early man perhaps this is how you too would describe the birth of the human race. Avolokitshvara sounds much like an alien overlord, and this mountain at the center of the earth was more than likely their marooned ship were they brought the seeds for the “crops that needed no cultivation”. Our favorite line however is  “Alas! Not realizing that married life was a prison”. We’re just saying…

Washington gets Tea Bagged (again)

A bunch of upper-Middle-Class White people with way too much free time and money on there hands flew into Washington DC yesterday. After they woke-up and cursed the maids at their hotels they flooded the Capital to let everyone know that they don’t want you or anyone else in this country to have health care because they don’t want to pay for it. With signs that yet again claim the President is Muslim, or not “an American Citizen”, and others that stated that they were not “your ATM” these ignorant, slack-jawed, racist yelled and screamed and continue to misunderstand the principals of either socialism or communism. News media clamored at a chance to have some Saturday news, tried to down play the lunatic element, NBC even tried to claim that the protesters came from a broad cross section of America! As the news anchor uttered the hilarious words the images on the screen showed nothing but a sea of white, mostly older faces. The speakers at the event were by and large businessmen who were decrying the fact that they would be forced by the government to provide health care for their employees, or upset that they lost money because of the bailouts. That is the true face of this “movement” which takes its namesake from the Boston Tea-Party, where if you are unfamiliar was a group of wealthy land owners upset over paying taxes to England. Now where as I and others like myself were considered un-American by these very same people for not going along with George Bush’s lies that led us into a war were over 6,500 people have died to date. I will not go that route, in fact I will say that ignorance and refusal to look after your fellow countrymen is the most American thing you could do.


What really bothers me is how these obvious xenophobic, bigots hide behind “freedom” and claim that Obama is taking it away from them! When The previous administration admittedly lied to congress, wire tapped citizens and eve military officials, exposed CIA agents to the press, falsified information that led us into a war we will never get out of, not to mention the freedoms they actually did take away with the Patriot Act, or the illegal detanation of American citizens. These “freedom lovers’ were happy with that, they gladly welcomed the unjust jailing of those who were different than them. They weren’t expecting that someone different than them would ever be elected to the highest office in the land. Sooo now they’re all for marching and protesting, and talking about freedom like some weird Mirror Mirror version of hippies. It really burns me up though that they made a mockery of the original March on Washington by trying to co-opt the name. As if what Dr. King did in the sixties wasn’t legit, they’re March is the real march. Not so subtle racism there as well. It’s getting ridiculous, these morons who do nothing but regurgitate what ever drivel they heard on Fox News that day are all over the internet blogging and trolling, spreading their message of ignorance and intolerance to even more impressionable, feeble minded souls. While sadly it seems those on the left, content with one huge victory in 20 years, are remaining silent, making it seem as though the Birthers and Tea-baggers are actually representing some one other than escaped mental patients and Glenn Beck. With these loons bringing guns to Presidential town halls and keeping there kids home from school when the President gives a speech, there is no way we can not afford to take them head on and fight their idiocy. Even if they are too stupid to realize what a Tea Bagger actually means.
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Now playing: The Evens – No Money
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9/9/09 Makes it Possible for Mankind to Cause Death and Mayhem Among Their Own Kind!

So I haven’t been writing much this week, I kind of felt I needed a bit of a break, and personally just haven’t felt up to it. But I got on late tonight after many long hours playing video games and discovered that 9/9/09 had just passed. It sounded to me pretty special although my day was uneventful and quite boring, so I thought I look it up. Here’s what I found.

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09/09/09: A significant day in Hindu Mythology

The number ‘9′ has a very special importance in the Hindu Mythology. According to the Hinduism, the ‘Number 9′ is governed by planet ‘Mars’. It is also a number of Lord Hanuman. The September 9, 2009 also brings some strange facts with it. If we give a close look on human body and nature, we can get interesting facts regarding number nine and its importance. The number nine is closely associated with the process of creation in the cosmic time cycle. The entire cosmic cycle consists of three phases — creation, preservation and dissolution. Each of these three parts split into triads (3×3=9) brings the numerical order to nine. Adi Sankaracharya also described the importance of number nine in ‘Soundaryalahiri’, According to him, the four Shiva chakras and five Sakti chakras create the nine Mula-Prakratis or basic manifestations.

There are Nava-Yoni. Nine apertures of the body — two eyes, two ears, two nostrils, mouth, genitals and anus, nine psychic centres, nine planets, nine divisions of time — ghatika, yama, ahoratra, vara, tithi, paksha, masa, ritu, nine gems, nine moods or Navras and nine forms of Goddess Durga or Tripurasundari worshipped during Navratras.As the strange combination of number 9 falls on the date 09.09.09, astrologers predict it might bring some good news for the nation and human being as well.

Pretty neat, pretty fucking wicked considering the whole Monkee thing we’ve got going on over here.So then I decided to dig around a little more and check what the significance was in Numerology, and here’s what I found;

When a numerologist is asked about the significance of a date (such as September 11, 2001, or 8/8/08) it isn’t the date itself that they are looking at, but a diagram of universal cycles. These cycles show, in a complex way, certain intersections of numerological factors. When you look these cycles, some unexpected dates certainly stand out to the trained eye — and one such date is September 9, 2009, or 9/9/09.Even to the Numerology newcomer, this date is unique because it is 9/9/09. To a Numerology expert, this date is extraordinary for its combination of the numbers 11, 9 and 2. The technical explanation for this (and please bear with me) is that 9/9/2009 translates to 9/9/11 (since the digits of 2009, when added together, equal 11). The next step is that the difference between 11 and 9 is 2, and if you were to continue adding digits, you would find two more 2s in this date, and one more 11. 11 is a Master number, meaning it is particularly potent and, on a scale of importance, it reigns supreme. There are three double-digit numbers (the “Master numbers”) that are thought to be powerful. In fact, they’re thought to push us beyond our normal limitations. 11 is the first of these (the other two are 22 and 33).

In the case of September 9, 2009, 11 shines bright and brings a strong sense of awareness and compassion — as well as intuition — to this date. There is an undercurrent of interconnectedness, of brotherhood. 11 is the diplomatic peacemaker, and the number of the heart, but is probably best known for drawing people together. To go a step further, consider this: one of the darkest of human tendencies is to separate ourselves from our fellow man, to alienate. This makes it possible for mankind to cause death and mayhem among their own kind.

The last line is the one I really take a shine to!

2012 Short Fiction: The Day The World Didn’t End

A nice little morality tale that those who fear the worst should hear, as well as those who hope for the best. Although the Armada are Apocalypse culture Junkies, we recognize that the return to singularity will happen when you least expect it not when some ancient calender says.

more about “2012 Short Fiction: The Day The World…“, posted with vodpod

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Now playing: Iggy And The Stooges – You Better Run (Version 2)
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NASA is Blowing Up the Moon!

So on Friday the Armada received the following  message;

CALLING ALL SHAMANS, DREAMERS, HEALERS, LIGHT WORKERS, MOTHER EARTH LOVERS, MOON AND LUNAR LOVERS, GODDESSES AND GODS…

I am starting a one woman dreaming to help deflect some insane scientists, military and US government’s agenda to bomb the moon… Say a prayer, do a protection visualization, astral travel, dream walk, or just set an intention the night of Oct 8 & 9th to help our Moon and Lunar sensitivities to deflect, or if that doesn’t work, at least help heal the moon after she is raped (bombed).

Share this on your site, with your emails, or anything that will get it out there globally!

If we don’t do it, who will ?

Unaware of any NASA moon bombings we had to do a little research and found out that NASA has indeed planned to bomb the moon. The mission has been dubbed The LCross and it is reported to be in order to test if there is water on the moon, or whether the moon’s hydrogen and oxygen deposits could be converted into air, water, and even fuel.  To do this they plan to blast 200 tons of moon rock up 10 kilometers from a dark crater where it can be measured by LCross’s instruments. NASA predicts  they will  find a number of different ways to create water from whatever form of lunar hydrogen they find. Recent missions already confirmed the presence of oxygen in moon rocks, while the sun delivers a constant stream of hydrogen. Carrying water to the moon costs $100,000 a kilogram, so these experiments could be the crucial step to getting more people on the moon….Or so they say. The truth may never fully be known to the public but some believe that they found something up there that they’re trying to get rid of. We don’t know either way, it just sounds like a very bad idea and the start of some truly wicked shit, perhaps the 2012 hoopla isn’t so far fetched. Perhaps this is how we totally screw up the weather by knocking the moon around for no good reason other than we’re too cheap to bring our own water when we go up there and knock golf balls around and leave trash everywhere (cause basically that’s all we’ve done).

LRO-LCROSS project. Image source: Northrop Grumman.

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Now playing: Crass – They’ve Got A Bomb
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