Quitter

 

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I always said that “my momma didn’t raise no quitter”, but lately I have been proving that statement false. I quit my job two days ago. I’m going to Atlanta next week for two weeks to see if it’s where I want to move back to. I have no idea what the future will hold for me, but then again, I never did. The future is wide open, it could be set with great peril and hardship or it could be a blessing in disguise. It’s the middle of the day and I’m a little tipsy, about to go out and get some comics and maybe a few more drinks. I really wanted to be in San Francisco when December hits. Mainly because it’s where the character in Grant Morrison’s Invisbles was when the shit hit the fan. I’m running the final season of Eastbound and Down in the background and I don’t even turn my head to look at it. I know it by heart. I’m living it. Well not really but in my own way. I feel like I had the brass ring in reach only to see it jerked away, then after many setbacks and adversities I fought my way back to the top only to realize the bottom was more comfortable. That’s the moral of the Kenny Powers story; everything else was just window dressing as we say in North Carolina.

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I plan on using this unknowable downtime between now and when I have to find a real job again to write down my adventures over the last five years, but until then I have a lot of rumination to do. I don’t really want to go back to The A for several reasons. 1. I feel like a whipped dog with its tail tucked between its legs. Like I was in California doing it big, about to be married to a fucking lawyer and now I’m back with nothing to show except for a few new tats and a laptop. 2. I been there done that, I lived in Atlanta for 5 years and I dominated the Little 5 Points area did everything there was to be done. I could go back and reclaim my throne but I’m not in my 20s anymore and frankly I don’t give a shit. It’s unlikely anyone other than my closest homeboys even give a shit. 3. I could use this opportunity to go and do something new, I friends in other cities that I have never lived in. I could roll the dice and try my luck somewhere new.  It’s a lot to deal with and honestly it’s daunting. I have become physically sick over the last week and despite being over 30 I have stress zits breaking out on my forehead. It feels like I got horns.

There is a lot rolling around in the old dome today. I should be cleaning, packing, shaving my head or anything other than rerunning Kenny Powers, or trying to complete video games I gave up on months ago. I don’t want to focus on my current situation. I need to go buy a laptop bag and some boxes, but I won’t be doing that today. I just poured another shot. To be continued…

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