It’s that time of year again, ladies and germs! Time for the greatest event in sports entertainment! The Super-Bowl of wrasslin’! Yes it can only be the showcase of the immortals, Wrestlemania! With the big show coming up in just a few days we release our annual predictions. Keep in mind these are just the opinions of your humble narrator and are in no way spoilers.
John Cena vs. The Rock: There has been something off about this years mania and I think its because we’ve known about this years main event for a year! I love the Rock and dislike John Cena as a character (I have respect for the mans work ethic), but I’m almost burned out on all the hype. Not to mention Cenas lame ass gave the game away this past Monday. We all know the Rock isn’t going to beat the current money maker. What would Cena do if he had to spend the next year pouting about his loss to the Rock. Unless that would be the excuse to set up the exact same match for Mania 29!
The Undertaker vs. Triple H (Hell in a Cell Match with special referee Shawn Michaels): This is the match I am most excited about. Since Mark Calaway doesn’t give interviews, we have no clue if he is actually planning on retiring. I mean seriously why should he, he only works once a year and there is no reason the streak should die before it reaches 20-0. I got easy money on the Show Stopper super-kicking old Hunter in his enormous chin. Though I also got easy money on this first ever Mania Hell in the Cell being one brutal, bloody match that will win match of the year hands down.
WWE Champion CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho: Sadly this match has not been hyped as much as it should have been.
Over shadowed by both the Rock/Cena match and the HHH/Undertaker match it barely got a nod on the go-home show this past week. I know that these two will still put on a hell of a show, it may be too technical and well executed for the casual fan. This will be the wrestling fans match. These two don’t really excite the kids the way Cena and Rock does, and the Attitude Era fan is far more concerned about the Deadman to care about how these two “Greatest” will light up the ring with some brilliant chain wrestling. My money is on Jericho for this one because they can’t have two faces with belts and if they plan on uniting the belts after they reunite the brands who better than the first ever Unified Champ to do it!
World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus:This match really makes me smile. These two opened up last years Mania and they’re match wasn’t even filmed. They were announced then at the last minute cut from the broadcast. I desperately wanted to see it and since then a lot has happened. Sheamus went from being a vicious heel to a fan favorite face. Bryan went from being a crowd favorite internet darling to obnoxious heel recycling CM Punks straight-edge gimmick. While I too have grown tired of DB’s douche turn, I would like to see him grow with the belt and the character more. With that said-it ain’t gonna happen. Sheamus has stopped following the HHH model and went full Cena on us. Speaking out against bullying and hugging kids in wheel chairs. He’s being set up to be the next Cena. Which is fine, he’s different enough, but I don’t wanna know how badly they’re gonna bury Bryan after he drops the belt. They’ve done unimaginable damage to his rep as a skilled mat technician. Hopefully the two of them can give a good enough show to begin the salvaging of his name.
Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes vs. Big Show: I was really hoping Cody would make good on his promise to hold both the IC title and the World Championship at the same time. Though I don’t see him walking out of Mania with the strap. He may get it back at some point, but they just can’t have Show lose after making such a big deal about the fact that he has never won at Mania.
Team Teddy vs. Team Johnny: The match with the most at stake here! The control of both RAW and Smackdown rest on the shoulders of Khali, Santino, Kofi Kingston, Zack Ryder and Hornswoggle? To quote Charlie Brown “Good Grief”. There is no way on this Earth that Vince would subject us to the black hole of ratings that is John Laurnitis twice a week. The people want Teddy in charge and Johnny Ace back behind the curtain where he belongs.
Randy Orton vs. Kane: They had to find something to do with these two, too bad this whole thing feels shoehorned in and their whole feud just forced. I am one of the few male Randy Orton fans left it would seem. I feel Randy can still be a force. After spending a year in silence, it’s time for Randy to step back up to the plate. I wouldn’t be surprise if this somehow led to a heel turn for him. Like RKO’ing Kane will give him Kane’s evil powers or something. either way I hope Kane goes back and rethinks that wig before showing his face again.
Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos vs. Divas Champion Beth Phoenix & Eve: This is the saddest match on the card. Where the grandest stage of the all is supposed to be the best fighting the best, we have this suck fest just have a celebrity in the ring. And what kind of celebrity is the second rate host of a second rate gossip show even considered famous. I guess she was the only person willing to do it. Which is even sadder. I feel for Beth Phoenix she has no competition and is forced to so stupid gimmicks like this and hang around a chick who’s gimmick is farting. I would have like to seen a story where Natty and Beth turned on each other. They would have put on a hell of a match for Mania. And left this sideshow to stupid bimbos like Kelly Kelly and Eve.
I am disappointed theirs no tag title match announced for the card. But who would go for the belts-the Uso’s? They haven’t even been on TV in a month. There’s apparently no Money in the Bank match, which is for the best since they have a whole PPV for that now. I was kind of hoping Miz would be left out and end up interfering in the Rock/Cena match, but it looks like he’s on team Johnny Ace now. There will always be surprises and I got my fingers crossed that one of them will involve the Nature Boy, since they announced the Man will be in attendance at the Hall of Fame the night before. Perhaps he will keep Shawn from messing up the HHH/Undertaker match! All in all I am looking forward to this years Mania. Its hard to believe its been 28 years since the first big show. I feel so old, I hope I live to see another 28. I wonder what it will be. John Cena’s son versus the Rock probably!
The Monkee Armada have left our veil of humanity behind and taken to the trees. We are not one of you but you may be one of us. We stand as the last line of defense for the Earth against the soul-crushing tyranny of mankind. Death to all Hue-Mans! Long live Monkees!
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