Three strikes for the New 52

So… I guess, after all my bitching and cater-wallin’ I should give my reviews of the New 52 that I have caved in and bought.It’s only three although I will pick up the new Animal man when the second printing arrives. Yes, they are selling well-in some places while in other places they are sitting on the shelves collecting dust and freaking out shop owners. I picked up the new Justice League (now minus the of America), because once upon a time, Jim Lee was my favorite artist in the world. It was 1989 and I would argue vehemently with my school yard chums about how superior Lee was to McFarlane, Silvestri, or Larson. That man who once blew my brains away on Punisher War Journal is long gone. This new man who uses his name is more concerned with running the online division of DC comics or making video games or what ever it is he’s doing, than making awesome comics. Seeing how they made such a huge deal out of this you think Jim wouldn’t have put more effort into the art. But even if he had the story was still beyond weak. It was a vague set up and relied so heavily on you already knowing what was going on that it negated the entire “this is going to bring in new readers” premise that precipitated this awful re-launch. Now it’s no secret that I hate Goeff Johns, so much that I refuse to correctly pronounce his stupid name! Yet the tripe that he’s put out and called Justice League, deserves to be thrown out the window before another issue sullies the stands. Basically it’s batman running from the cop while chasing some zombie/monster/Al-Queda until Green Lantern shows up like a glowing douche bag and pulls out the a green fire truck and smirks, then at the end Superman shows up acting like an even bigger douche than either Batman and Green Lantern have been acting the entire issue (which is a tall order). If I were a kid reading these characters for the first time I would think they were a bunch of dicks and never pick up another issue.

Seriously what is up with that waist? Who is he Fakir Musafar???

The second book I picked up was of course -Action Comics! As a devoted Grant Morrison fan there has been very little that man has written that I haven’t bought-with one huge exception. I never got his JLA run, never! I read part of it at friends house in graphic novel form, but when it was out, I was more into his Invisibles work. I also didn’t read any of the 52 weekly series. With that, this book will be another Grant Morrison book that I will not read. Not even so much because it’s trying hard to be like the TV show Smallville, but because Rags Morales art work is not my cup of tea. His Superman has a waistline so small that he would snap in half like a twig if he had to go up against someone like Darksied, or even parasite for that matter. The book almost had me by including Shazam’s nemesis Dr. Silvana, but not enough to overlook how effeminate he is making Lex (one of the greatest villains of all time). Had they went t he All-Star route, including Frank Quietly as the artist, I would place this book at the top of my list, but instead they tried to ground this in our modern world and taken Superman out of the clouds and humanize him in a way that I hate. Superman is a timeless character, he is meant to exist in a fictional city, in a fictional world, not have shots of him running around blocked by someone holding up a Blackberry. How will this hold up ten, or twenty years from now? Hopefully, like this terrible reboot, will be forgotten. I just hope that this won’t ruin Grant’s legacy.

The third book I picked up was Stormwatch. I wanted to see if Apollo and Midnighter would remain gay lovers, and if they would eventually meet their DC counter-parts. This is not what I got. The Midnighter doesn’t even show up until the last page. Apollo looks gay, but he’s lost his golden locks and opted for a short tight cut. The story centers more around a poorly drawn Engineer, and Martian Manhunter. Most of the Authority is still here, there’s Jack Hawksmore with his tire tread feet (and now hands apparently), Jenny Quantum is back as well, as an annoying twelve-year old with no definable powers. The good doctor seems to be missing, but this all just begs to question why they took the Stormwatch name rather than keeping the old Authority title. The addition of Martian Manhunter is accompanied by a woman who can go online with her mind and already feels a need to justify her pointless existence in the first issue, and some douche with a electric sword that can cut anything who gets possessed by what I can only assume is going to be Starro two pages after being introduced. All in all the art was horrid, the story was lame, and we still don’t know if Midnighter and Apollo will be butt-buddys! So of the three I guess I will have to buy another issue of Storwatch.

The sad thing is, that Marvel is being drowned out by all this over hype. The shake up in the X-Men world, the death of Bucky in Fear Itself. More importantly no one is talking about Uncanny X-Force! Which for my money is the finest book on the market. The Dark Angel Saga, which has Archangel claiming the role of Apocalypse finally, is the finest X-story in years. It’s hilarious and has finally made me care about Deadpool. The art is above and beyond anything else on the stands and Rick Remender is quickly becoming one of my favorite writers on the planet. If you’re not reading it, you should be! They have revived not only the Age of Apocalypse alternate-reality, but reminded the Marvel universe that there is a huge Celestial standing in Golden Gate Park! My main question is who are these other agent’s of the Celestials along side En Sabah Nur, and why does that Kelby guy look an awful lot like Cyclops?

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5 thoughts on “Three strikes for the New 52

  1. First off, Morrisons run on JlA was not bad. S’where we got the ultra marines and the start of his ‘Seven soldiers’ maxi series. That being said, I’m right there with you. What the fuck!! I got no more time to invest into DC’s mega 52 runs. And so far this is the worse yet. You know it’s bad when you pick something up with Grants name on it and it leaves you with nothing. Nothing but a searing hate for wasted talent. Yeah. Fuck DC. Fuck there gimmicks. Fuck 52. And this better end after 52 issues of whatever. I’m a big deadpool fan but I’m ashamed to say I missed the new X-Force run. After reading this however, I feel I need to wake the fuck up and buy some issues. Thanks!

  2. Yeah, I wish they would have just focused on writing quality stories, and not re doing 70+ years of history. And they wonder why the market is going down! Nobody in this economy has the disposable income to collect 52 #1’s, that aren’t even worth the paper they’re printed on. As for X-Force go and get that shit. It’s flying so low under the radar that I’m sure back issue won’t be hard to find.

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