“Caine off Kung Fu” World Tour Diary pt. 3-7

It’s been a wild ride filled with ups, downs, mishaps, and missteps. I have officially been in side the Los Angeles city limits today at 8:30pm. I am almost broke, but my rent is secure, my return trip is ready, and I’ve still got half a loaf of bread and some peanut butter. I’ve had the fortune to see one of my favorite teenage bands Archers of Loaf, at the Troubadour last Friday night. After 12 years of being broken up they’re still amazing as ever! They didn’t play White Trash Heroes but hopefully they will when I see them in September back in SF. After the amazing show and three unbelievable encores I was lucky enough to attend a impromptu Roast of T.J. Miller put on by¬† T.J. Miller at the UCB Theater. It was hilarious and a sweet peak behind the curtain of the world of up and coming comics in L.A. It went on pretty long and it was almost 4 before i made it back to the place where I’m laying my head.

The next day I decided to go check out the new X-Men flick, since I can’t let a comic book movie come out without going to see it. Of course I was disappointed. You can read my review here I won’t waist space on it twice. I did however see it at the world famous Man’s Chinese Theater, which is in fact called Gruman’s Chinese Theater-who knew! I then did a little walk around Hollywood Blvd. and checked out the names on the side walk, before heading over to Target to pick up some sheets and a blanket for the old mattress I had been sleeping on. I then headed back to base camp and along the way promptly lost the $77 bus pass that I had just bought the day before. I almost cried-okay I cried. Like a fool I had been spending money as if I had a job or even a prospect of a job, I was winding down before I even got started. I felt like the biggest fool. Then I recieved a phone call from North Carolina informing me that an old friend had been seriously hurt in an accident.

This news put my loss of money into some sort of perspective, and I tried to relax. I couldn’t help but think about how my old friend had took a swing on me while hurling racial epitaphs the last time I saw him. Now I was reading a local news article referring to him as beloved and multiple references to his warm smile. Funny how shit turns out. I’m sure if I uttered this to anyone who wasn’t there I would be labeled a pariah. I tried to take the loss of the bus card in stride, a lesson learned, but the loss of money and the cost to get a new one still stings. I sucked it up though and went out the next morning and walked The Sunset Strip from Vermont to just past the Key Club! I stopped at the Viper room and took a shot of the spot where River Phoenix over dosed. I saw the Whiskey -a-go-go where so many shitty hair metal bands got their start and made my way down to the Roxy where Janes Addiction used to play when they meant something.

Sunday morning I started my journey right near the big Scientology church. I stood out in front for a minute hoping to see Tom Cruise or Samuel L. Jackson. I have yet to see any big name celebrities, but that’s okay I’m sure I’d want o punch half of them if I did. I have also not seen any porn stars, but that’s probably for the best as well seeing as how I’d probably rape them. After trekking the length of Sunset I walked back up Hollywood Blvd. tracing the names on the Stars until they became irrelevant, then wandered down into Thai town until I stumbled upon Jumbo’s Clown Room.

Jumbo's Clown Room

Which is supposedly the West Coast equivalent of Atlanta’s Claremont Lounge, which incidentally was my home away from home the six years I spent in the A. It was cool but it was not the Lounge, it was way too clean and the girls were way too young and attractive. The beer was cheap though and the bouncers/doormen were like friends I’ve known my whole fucking life. So I hit it off pretty good with everyone and if I had more money or simply hadn’t lost my fucking bus pass I would be there now!

Yes Virgina, that is a needle in the ashtray!

Needless to stay I stuck around longer than I should have and blew more money than I could afford tossing dollar bills at the sultry junkies writhing on stage. I take that back I don’t know for a fact these gals were junkies they could have just had eating disorders. Either way I’m fine with it. I managed to slip out just in time though at 9 the shift changed and the girls coming in looked to be of a higher caliber and would have demanding even more of my money. I lost my sun-glasses somewhere between there and home base. I couldn’t help but notice that I needed to be more careful, I don’t have anyone watching my back down here, and there is no fall back money stashed away. There is only me and my wits and I was losing them being too much of tourist. I had to snap back and remember how to do this. I am not a tourist!

To prove it I spent the next day indoors, mostly in bed. Afraid of the outside and exhausted from trekking up and down Sunset and Hollywood. I sent out resumes all day on Craig’s List. Got a call back from a telemarketing firm that got super scared when I admitted to having a felony for using a phone to communicate a threat! Perhaps I shouldn’t have mentioned that, but I didn’t really want to do telemarketing work anyway. In the midst of sending out the most basic facts of my life, I realized I neglected to bring my Social Security card which will make it even harder for me to obtain legitimate work! Unless of course I get my beloved back in SF to mail me my card, which will only serve to annoy her.

After hibernating for a day I rose the next morning to re-purchase a bus pass and head off into the unknown. I couldn’t and wouldn’t just sulk until I had some money no I will party until I am broke and on my knees crying to god to save my agnostic ass! I decided I wanted to see the spot where the Terminator stole that leather jacket off those punks and James Dean declared he would fight against what ever in particular you had. It was a long and arduous hike up a very winding hill to the Griffith park observatory, but once there the view was spectacular. You could over look the entire sprawling mess that is Los Angeles California. It is truly a gigantic unending mass of decay, a ultimate monument to humans drive to destroy the planet. I imagined it after the big one all ruins and smoldering destruction. The strange feral civilization that will inhabit it, and the suddenly sophisticated Mid-Western racist who will come to study the wreckage and ponder what kind of civilization created such a spread out disaster! I thought it would make an excellent film, that’s when I knew I had been here too long already and that two months was way too much time to stay in L.A. but now I gotta find myself a job, I’m stuck.

Now playing: Neutral Milk Hotel – Two-Headed Boy
via FoxyTunes

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