Something weird is happening to the smart chicks in England. [According to her Penguin
biography] freelance magazine writer, Hephzibah Anderson; on the eve of her thirtieth birthday, saw her college boyfriend going into a jewelry store with a smiling blond-and in that moment realized it had been years since a man told her he loved her. This discovery led her to question a decade of emotionally frustrating relationships. As she examined her past, she recognized that most of these relationships went off course at the precise moment sex was involved. Anderson decided it was time to spend a full year without sex to rediscover its meaning and purpose in her life. So she didn’t fuck anybody for a year. She appeared on the Colbert Report last night to pimp her new book about the experience (with blond hair BTW) Chasten: The Unexpected Story of My Year Without Sex. On the flip side Christina Saunders decided to sleep with 1000 men after watching Sex in The City! A well-educated middle-class nerd, she claims she wanted to feel empowered like the fictional characters on the telly, so she spent the last ten years banging everybody she could get her hands on, including chicks! She had threesomes and moresomes and traveled all over the world getting the shit fucked out of her and taking notes. She recorded them all in a note-book and rated them from 1 to 10. No word yet on if she’s gotten a book deal out of it.
One woman claims to have learned; “that to be romanced is a right we women must insist on. Love often requires time and space, and the 21st-century dating game doesn’t provide enough of either. In slowing things down and insisting on a period of courtship, you give love a chance.” The other woman learned that; “Good friends stuck by me but others accused me of being a slut. I took things too far. Now all I want to do is settle down. I just hope I haven’t put men off.” The results of both experiments came out the exact same Christina now admits: “All I want is a man to love me – not one who just wants me for sex.” Yet they both missed the point. Sex is supposed to be fun, and for pleasure, not some science experiment in which you try to divine the same Walt Disney happy ending that led both women down such horrible paths. Although I think Ms. Saunders got the better end of the deal. I mean banging 1000 guys over 10 years is more unsafe than disgusting, I bet she’s probably one hell of a lay now. Being dry for a year though makes Ms. Anderson sound like a prude and probably a horrid, horrid lay.
The problem truly lies in the fact that both these women seemed to pin their own value and self-worth to how men viewed them, whether it as sexual object or not. Two extremes of the same identity crisis faced by 21st Century women; liberated by the sexual revolution and brow beaten by commercial advertising and television which is created largely by men. Even in their rebellion, both women fall victim to the same lie that in order to be happy they must find love in the arms of a man. Although Hephzibah didn’t have sex, she admitted on the Colbert Report that she did everything but. Meaning she still used sex in way to maintain power in the relationships she did have during that year of abstinence. The same as the other one used sex as way to maintain power in hers. The two women both claim their experiences were empowering and liberating. They each believe they were taking control of their lives. Which is to say they felt that before they had no control and had sex simply as way of giving in to their respective partners, and not as a way of achieving pleasure for themselves? It seems dishonest to me. Thought they went at it in two separate ways they both used sex and non-sex as a way to get what they wanted-which was affection.
When will women realize that fulfillment isn’t in the bedroom but in the mind? Men (for the most part) can find fulfillment in hobbies, sports, or their careers. Perhaps it’s because we aren’t inundated with images of sleeping princes or waiting for someone to come and rescue them. From childhood women are brainwashed into waiting for their knight in shining armor and for most of them he will never arrive. There are currently 3,440,026,139 men and 3,390,560,846 women in the world. Not all of them are single and not all of them are compatible for other reasons. There isn’t someone out there for everyone like your mother told you, and we are moving into an era where that number will soon flip and even more women will be left without a Prince Charming. We will soon have to move beyond the misconception that to be happy in life you must be happy in love. Some of us are meant to roam the earth alone, like the ronin. There is no Mr. Big coming.