Having already hipped you all to canned bacon, canned (whole) chickens, we now bring you the canned sandwich! The Candwhich is the brain child of Mark Kirkland, president of Mark One Foods. He patented the idea of putting solid food into a beverage container with the slogan “Quick & Tasty, Ready to Eat”. The Candwhich currently comes in three flavors PB&J (strawberry and grape jelly respectively) and BBQ Chicken!
Right now they’re selling it in vending machines in Utah so if you can deal with those Mormon fucks pick up a can when you’re on you’re way to the hell out of Utah. There are plans to expand the line to include Pepperoni Pizza and French Toast! There is some controversy bringing Candwhich into the news right now, because one of the investors used funds diverted from a real estate scam to bring Candwhich from the dreams of a crazy Mormon to reality. Stephen Colbert even mentioned it on his show earlier this week. Marketed to soccer moms on the go and hikers , the Candwhich is really for the more refined end times enthusiast. With a indeterminate shelf -life the Candwhich will make a nice snack and complete the stock in the underground bunker you should be building.
Also out in vending machines; in Pennsylvania you can now get Wine. Don’t rejoice yet winos’ you still have to scan your I.D. and blow in a breathalyzer before the machine will give you your booze. It’s only for wine right now, so only snobby artist types and hobos need it, but if it works then the state may be putting these things all over with real booze in them. So hat’s off to Pennsylvania and Utah for taking ques from Japan, let’s do away with servers and humans all together, machines can give us everything we need!