Am I the only one who notices the absurdity of most of the commercials on TV today? I know some of you out there are too hip to watch television, but for the rest of us things are getting weird. I was thinking about that new Taco Bell commercial where the guy goes around taking pennies from those taking penny leave a penny bens to pay for his one Guacamole Burrito shit that their promoting. If you’ve seen it you know that when he gets to the counter the chick working there is like “Uh, this is only 88¢ rather than the measly 89¢ that the instant-crap-rrito cost. Never mind that this douche just went around stealing from children selling lemonade (why they have a take-a-penny tray I have no idea), but this asshole just paid entirely in pennies. What is this commercial saying-that it’s okay to be a complete jerk as long as you pay with correct change? I mean seriously-WTF?
I mean I know that a commercial is supposed to be silly and stupid, and insult my intelligence, I get that. While Taco Bell may be one of the worst with this douche-baggery promotion and its lame drive-thru rap battles it is far from alone as worst offenders. There are of course the non-stop most number one annoying bastards on the planet. I of course speak only of the fucking Verizon commercials. They are legion and I am weary; after years of berating me with “Where are you now?” (Until I was tired of hearing it in hip-hop lyrics), now they are beating me to death with “I’ve got the Verizon Network”. With each commercial they further the seemingly universal theme of 2009 and that, that it is become okay to be a dick. Each time a bottom feeder actor utters the line the even shitter actor responds with some fucked up one off like he’s pissed the mother fucker has phone service after he was just warning the man or woman that they would lose coverage. I mean if you’re going to be a dick about it why the fucked did you even want to warn the mother-fucker? I mean fuck what is really going on. We lose the douche bag President and get the calm cool guy, so that the rest of the country can become even bigger pieces of shit douches. I mean seriously people it’s not like I’m a complete rube, I know they’re just hustling useless products to morons, but can’t they at least make humorous or cool commercials. What happened to the day when a commercial like a little old lady being a bitch and asking “Where’s the beef?” Remember how that fucking cock-sucking geriatric had us all using that lame ass catch phrase.
It was supposed to usher in a era of subliminal programming and is the only reason Wendy’s is still around pushing their shitty square burgers and bland fries. That and their delicious Frosties of course. We could turn the channel, but they figured out awhile ago how to time it so that no matter what you want to watch it will always go on commercial at the same time as anything else you might flip it to. Thankfully we can pause it for a minute now and fast forward over the commercials with our DVR’s and Tivo’s. Which is the only way I can escape that insurance lady, until they learn how to beam commercials straight into my fucking head.
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