One of my old home-boys from ATL came into town this weekend, and it was a blessing. Before he showed up Thursday I hadn’t left the house in five days. I am becoming so walled off in my shitty apartment that I have long since forgotten how to act around real people. Despite my utter and complete lack of funds we managed to get thoroughly fucked up on cheap beer and some pot brownies my only California homie had given me. We had a little herb too so we made due. The first night we crushed a case of Miller High Life and caught up on each others lives. I didn’t have much to say other than I write a crap ton of blogs and spend all my time online. The next night we went out early i the day and I showed him all of the beautiful young girls down in Berkley, we had a few drinks and walked around a bit. He immediately saw why I didn’t want to go back East. I then took him to a bar near where I used to work and proceeded to show hi the sad truth of why I haven’t been laid in nearly five months. There was this girl at the bar who used to flirt with me when I was a regular at the joint, but my last encounter with her was strange and stupid. I fumbled the ball with this chick from day one.
I first tried to talk to her out side and she ignored me, then I caught her outside again and she totally blew me off. Of course I did spend four months blowing her off before vanishing for another four. I have no disillusions of the colossal mistake I made, and how trying to apologize I came off like a completely pathetic idiot. Its my new look I suppose. As a young man I was cool and suave and always got what I wanted from the ladies. Since turning thirty I have had a pretty rough time with the fairer sex. This seems to be fate trying to either punish me for my past sins against women, or the universe wants me to start doing things differently. I feel I have been trying, but to no avail. I took a radically different approach to my previous relationship and you see how that one worked out. Yet I suppose y ex was telling the truth when she said it’s not as easy as “not” cheating on someone. Yet I feel like I’m back in high school again trying to understand what women want. At one point a good orgasm was enough, that’s all I had to deliver and I could do whatever I wanted. Now I suppose since other men have figured that part out and competition is a bit thicker I need a lot more than what I have now. No job, no school, no future, I admit I look like a loser right now. I have to keep digging my way out of this hole, but how much longer, before I get out. I am losing sight of the end again.
It was good to see my homeboy though, he was really pumped about being out here. He was also crazy about Metal and was turning me on to some new hot shit. He also had some old school punk rock CDs that I was missing, so I took the time to rip them to my computer and I tell you what-that had to have been the best thing this weekend (aside from spending time with my homie). Kicking back and listening to some classic Black Flagg and Minor Threat, Descendants, and Youth Brigade. That’s the good shit. We watched American Hardcore and it brought back all the memories from my youth. Sentimental times in the pit, punching people in the face then calling them friend. The old general skullduggery of my punk rock youth. It’s so funny getting older and watching your life slip past in the rear view mirror. Too much time has been wasted looking back though I have to focus on the here and now or I will be out on the streets with no internet and no place to even put my computer. If I don’t start making moves today I will be nothing more than a memory myself, a story my homeboy’s tell before they pour a sip out of their forties for me.