“We Will Fling Poo”
In India Hanuman is the son of the wind Goddess, and prince of all Monkees. His father Sugrive is the son of the Sun God and King of all Monkees. Hanuman is the true hero in their ancient text “Ramayena. In the text Rama’s wife Sita is kidnapped by the demon Ravana, and it is Hanuman who is sent to rescue her. Hanuman is captured and his tail is Set Ablaze. He uses this blazing tail to burn down the great city of Sri Lanka. During the Chaos he escapes only to return later with Rama and slay the demon.
“Know that I am Hanuman, son of Vayu the God of Wind! My master is Sugriva The Monkee King!”
“A Monkee’s tail is important to him, after all. Without it he would be as deformed as Shurpanakha”
IN THEE BEGINNING
It began with (well I can’t tell you about all that) Let’s start just after the beginning, after the first poo was flung and the remnants of that poo sent debris across the universe, as it was then which was nothingness expanding into nothingness. As Chaos brought light into the void, the Universe opened it’s eye which was everything. As the debris settled across the infinite reaches and began to take shape and form what humans call galaxies. These galaxies formed solar systems inside which planets grew and onto which life was formed. Creatures took shape over millineas and from atoms to amoebas all things began to take form in their fashion and after much time. The Universe than opened it’s second eye which was also everything, and what it saw was good. Our world was one rock among many but life was strong and flourishing as we traveled around solar system which was revolving inside the galaxy which was spinning within the Universe.
As life evolved here on Earth it did so elsewhere as well some planets grew before ours and so life was more advanced by the time the first Monkees set upright. Those who grew further from the sun as time went on exhausted their planets resources and natural selection evicted them from their worlds. As their civilizations failed their refugees sought out the next inhabitable planet to colonize. As all planets where spit from the sun, each was the same at certain stages. The Third Planet from the sun, being the most inhabitable always. Mankind was not yet born when this planet received its first visitors. Theses creatures where not that different from mankind and sought dominion over the land and sea. They fell the great lizards and raised enormous cities in the oceans. They destroyed the lands and seas and tried to form the earth to their liking. with their science and weapons of destruction the succeeded and changed the landscape over time. These creatures however where not alone. For another race had come hoping to get ahead of their own demise. These two alien colony’s then began to war. Their war consumed them and destroyed their glorious cities in the sea. Some escaped and built other cities high above the mountain tops in the clouds.
As their populations dwindled and their war raged on, the two species came to the conclusion that peace was in their best interest. Yet even in peace their blood lines would not survive long without careful manipulation. These madmen raped Monkee women and bred all manners of abominations. From Apes, to Neanderthals, from Cro-Mags, to Humans. These were off shoots to genetic manipulation of the Monkee DNA by vile invaders who then lorded over their creations as Gods themselves. These false Gods were occasionally benevolent, but more often sinister with their own un-alturistic motivations and self-preservational plans. Yet they found through their machinations they could only produce one sex each. They needed their combined genealogy to produce a being that was capable of self replication. Thus their fatal flaw. Two creatures both with Monkee DNA would be the downfall of the Gods. Soon the Monkee gene began to rear its head. The Humans and Apes and all the assortment of deviants began to war and kill each other over parcels of land. Their greed and ignorance sowed deep seeds of strife which can still be seen even now. No Monkee can follow orders for too long. A Monkee is meant to be free, even mutated and twisted this trait appears. Violence, (a Monkee invention) caused many of the deviants to become extinct, and then as Humans grew in dominance over their land and surroundings they then began to rebel against their false Gods and masters. The knowledge held by all Monkees of the origins of man and of the universe were transferred to mankind and many within humanity awoke to the eternal truths over time. Legends of Grand Monkee Kings and Princes’ brought mankind out of the darkness and into an age of light and reason. As the old God-lings died out so did their power a few managed to extend their bloodline and life spans into the present. The most benevolent of them survived but, only the true and only by hiding away within the grand mountain fortress known as Shang-Ri-La. Where Monkees are still welcome for they know the truth of our great kingdom there.
Thee Secret History of The World
During the war between the colonies life still evolved within the animal kingdom. The end of the Great Lizards brought the rise of the Great Beast. The beast of the world took little interest in the machinations of these strange off worlders. They were primitive in their thinking and this would be their undoing. More on that later. The original inhabitant of “God’s Green Earth” the animals evolved in a world that man could not see. They formed factions and allegiances among themselves. The rulers of the animal kingdom were for centuries the big cats of the mountains and jungles most commonly referred to simply as Pumas. Along side the Pumas were the equally ferocious Beast of the Forest known collectively as the Grizzly Bears. The two groups included all the big cats and bears throughout the animal kingdom. With one exception. Panda Bears were not considered vicious enough to be a pat of the ruling class. In truth the gentile bears were never interested in the dominion of the animal kingdom. Some feel the grand Polar Bear is too becoming peaceful sages. Though it is the popular opinion of most Monkees that this due more to their dwindling numbers. They are the only bears that can be befriended. As for the great cats all manner of shapes they take are considered dangerous to both animals and humans alike. Hierarchy within the animal kingdom has always fell from the two species. Few animals are to be trusted for most answer to the two dominant beast. Penguins can often be trusted as their flightless status alienates them from their feathered kin. Squirrels are often friends to Monkees, mainly because they have acted as Monkees in lands that we do not originate from. Doe (though notoriously promiscuous) are often favored friends. Monkees however have remained outside the order for our roots are deeper than any other creatures and our connection in blood to the humans has marked us as outsiders even more than birds or reptiles. The rest of the animal kingdom has always followed suit, obeying the laws of the jungle and forest laid out by the Grizzly’s and Pumas.
Until there arose a dark voice. Decent began to stir amongst one of the smallest and seemingly helpless of all Earths creatures. The chicken a beast whose place is young in the grand scope of the animal kingdom. The flightless bird who’s only reason for existing is to provide humans with sustenance. It was do to human manipulation that their numbers grew and grew o the point they began to demand respect in the wild. Vile out right filthy beings the yard bird army fired the first salvo in what is known as the “Great Shrimp and Chicken War of ’87”.
To understand the Great War we must look back to shortly after the fall of Atlantis. When the alien colonies were still at war. This was long before the age of Man and the because of the terrible bombs ignited by the colonizers the Earths weather was thrown askew and the planet entered an ice age of sorts. The beast that ruled these times were those who could survive the drastic climates of the world. The Mammoths, and Sasquatch were kings of the tundra. It was then that the first of the big cats arose to dominance. The Saber-tooth Tigers became the first High Pumas. After the thaw the Pumas caused was magnified in the land of man when one of the colonies used their genes to create a beast known only as the Sphinx to fight their war. The beast was victorious but later turned to stone in the African desert by the opposing colony. This monster however unbeknownst to the alien invaders helped to cement a legend in the animal kingdom. Small minded creatures feared the early Pumas could transform into the abomination at will. Monkees however knew the truth. The out worlders and later humans would play a greater role in creating the myth of the cats power than the felines could ever had hoped to do so on their own. Truth be told there are greater animals in the wild yet none are as feared as the big cats. Humans across the planet have even themselves in turn worshiped the quadruped. In South America the first humans worshiped the Jaguar, in India they prayed to Tigers, and in Africa Lions. North America Humans feared the Mountain Lions and the Europeans revered the Lions they held until they exterminated them all.
In the Far East however no big cats existed yet a now extinct beast known as the Foo-Dog was honored and respected. The creatures sadly were slayed by the last of the great lizards. Who remained hidden in remote areas of China until their food became extinct also. Also in the East perhaps the strangest of animal worship by early humans took place. Due to some playful deceit by their alien masters humans in India took to worshiping cattle. Perhaps the most notoriously lazy and slow-witted of all animals. It was here also that the seeds of rebellion were first sown in the yard bird armies. The Chickens began to suspect that they too could come to power if only they had the respect of the humans. They too like cattle were created for consumption by mankind. Genetically modified for centuries by human hands they had come under the assumption that they were in line for power and began their assault on the rest of the animal kingdom. Had it not been for their rivals from the sea they may have succeeded. Let it not be forgotten by any Monkee that the chicken is the only animal that can survive for hour without its head.
The Shrimp too are to be watched. Though small and unassuming the sheer numbers of the crustaceans is to be reckoned with. They outnumber nearly every other species on earth with the exception of insects. Though numbers were never the strength of the Grizzly Bears or Pumas. This was a lesson that both Shrimp and Chicken would learn. A valuable lesson Monkees should heed. Just as the equine and bovines have had their numbers turned upon them so may all creatures big and small. They are fearless and plot accession in the hierarchy at all cost. The Shrimp claim to be among the oldest creatures on Earth their empire supposedly even predates our own. According to Shrimp mythology the crustaceans claim to be the progenitors of all land mammals. Though these claims are scoffed at by Monkey scientist. It is no doubt that sea life predates land walkers, most ocean dwellers stem from a fork in the evolutionary tree of life. All creatures are part of one life force but genealogy divides to a point where pin pointing an original species is absurd at best. The Shrimp of course hold no respect for diverging opinions and are respectful only to the great fish of the deep. Whom themselves have their own struggle playing out in the deep abyss.
Another beast whose claims over the planet extend back to the Ice Age are the furred giants who roam the woodland areas of the world. Their empire spread from the great forest of Russia, to the deep woods of North America. They claim the ice land’s at the top and bottom of the world. Though their reach is considerably less than the big cats their power and ferocity is unparalleled. It is said only the elephants posses more strength. Still strength without desire to rule is of no use. Hence the reason Elephants have never played a more dominant role in animal politics. That and their lack of numbers. Bears are known also for their fair judgement and their diplomacy. It is believed the division of dominion between the Northern Hemisphere and the Southern between Grizzly Bears and Pumas, was solely a Bear idea. With the two Super Powers splitting America itself.
The Wild Card in the land division has always been the land known as Australia to the humans. Secluded away from the other major land masses and left to evolve without any bears or big cats. The wild kingdom of the out back is known as a free country. Though the Shrimp claim to have taken over the minds of the humans there. Siting the Aussie quote “Shrimp on the Barbie” as proof of their dominance. Though no one knows exactly what that phrase means. Most of Australia seems to be populated by misbegotten 1st colony experiments such as giant rabbits and some kind of duck/beaver hybrid. Madagascar seems to hold similar cast offs from perhaps the second colonist.
During the Great War many other lesser animals found themselves pawns of the four factions (Shrimp, Puma, Grizzly, and Chicken if you forgot) Turtles, Elephants, and Rhino’s especially have fallen victim to the four sides. This has prompted canines and seals to alley themselves solely with humans over the millennium. While horses and Mules alike have been turned into slaves by humans. Birds have mostly remained neutral with few exceptions on each side. Only one race has remained free and unscathed by the conflict. Only one animal has the where-with-all to stand above the fray. Only one creature refuses to work for or recognize the power of any group even puny humans. That is of course us! The Monkee’s who seek to defeat all manners of animals and reclaim the Heavens and the earth for our own enjoyment. For only we are first-born and only we are free. No alien hand has shaped us, no God has controlled us, nothing at no time has ever dictated the path of the mighty Monkee Kingdom! It is our world everything else is just living in it.